No, you can't say "lovely"

Some of you may be familiar with Madonna. Or maybe not. And maybe you know she married a British guy named Guy and soon afterward started spouting Briticisms with a bad British half-accent on TV. For the American public, this was bad news for Madonna because Americans don't like, in fact they really really really don't like, a snob, and anyone trying to sound British is, by definition, a snob.

I sort of feel for Madonna. Perhaps she was trying to be all poncey, but maybe, just maybe, she was just living 24 hours a day with an Englishman surrounded by English serving people (or whatever she has) and the Briticisms just sort of happened. (Not sure about the accent, that seems highly suspect.) This is my defense anyway, for the fact that I've caught myself saying someone was a "git" or the cake was "nice" as in yummy or "I would do, but..." when, in fact, these are not acceptable American English terms and there are many nice American ways of saying these things.

However, there is a limit to what is acceptable if you are an American married to a Brit or living in Britain. And here it is: You may never, under any circumstances, say "cheers" or "ta" instead of "thanks." (My big pet peeve is people who go to England or Australia for 5 minutes and come home saying "cheers" like it just SLIPPED into their vocabulary and they didn't even notice. Oh, you're SO international!) You may also never, ever say "lovely." It may be acceptable to write "lovely" on certain occasions, as in "that would be lovely" or "it would be lovely to see you," but I'm sorry, it never sounds right with an American accent (and worse with a fake English accent) and what's so bad about "that would be nice" anyhow?